Drawing Boundaries

This is so true. For everyone, but I’m speaking specifically for coming out of the fog of adoption. I’ve been setting boundaries since my mom died almost three years ago, and have been slowly setting more and more as I discover my true self and what I’m unwilling to tolerate.

People who knew you as a doormat get pissed when you start putting your foot down about things you didn’t, before. It’s an adjustment but stand your ground. Some will come around; change is hard to get used to and some of those people are genuine, they just need to adjust to the new you. Some will throw hissy fits and leave, or you’ll kick them out. And some won’t even bat an eyelash, and will say, “Well hi. Nice to meet you. Again.” Or shrug and go, “I don’t see a difference.” Those are the ones who have always known the real you, even though you didn’t. Those are the true friends, your real family.

Adjusting to your own boundaries is hard, scary, anxiety-ridden, and full of a slew of lost friendships. It royally sucks, but while I’m still grieving a few of those lost friends, I’m much better off without them. Even the two who were very close to me. In the end, they threw me away like garbage all because I’m going through transformation and they don’t like who I’m becoming. And that’s okay. I’d much rather be upfront and honest and risk losing someone than continue to be fake for the rest of my life, which only ends up hurting myself.