Is Adoption Love?

This is my response to a shared post written by The Evolving Adoptee on her facebook page, which is below in quotes.

I agree with The Evolving Adoptee. Though there IS love in adoption, adoption is not just about love. It is a traumatic experience that will follow and affect that child for their entire life.

I am grateful that I was adopted. I love being adopted, truthfully. I’m happy with how my life has turned out so far. But that doesn’t mean I’m not in pain, that I don’t have negative emotions and memories my body remembers that my mind doesn’t. Adoption is SO complex, for everyone involved.

I personally hate “gotcha day” because it puts a comical and sickly sweet spin on a traumatic day for the child. I’m glad my parents never celebrated that with me. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not shitting on celebrating adoption on the day the child was adopted. But calling it “gotcha day” just makes me twitch. Even with pets. Of course I celebrate the days we adopted our pets, but I’m honestly starting to re-think that. I understand that pets are different from people. They are different species. They communicate and behave differently. But pets are still living, breathing, feeling beings. Who are we to say what and how they feel/don’t feel?

Anyway. Just rambling at this point. But my issue stands, and while I’m not going to tell people what to do or what not to do, I won’t be quiet about my feelings about it as an adopted person. I also urge parents to educate themselves about adoption and the trauma their kids are unknowingly experiencing. I urge parents to educate their kids about adoption and talk to them about their feelings, make sure their kids know it’s safe to vent to them. I also know that parents have feelings of their own, as my mom struggled a lot with insecurities and depression surrounding my connecting with my birth family and I urge you to read books about this, or go to therapy, or both. I urge birth parents to do the same – get help. This shit is messy for everyone involved.

The Evolving Adoptee about the photo:

“This picture gets me red hot.

If you think adoption is love, you shouldn’t adopt.
If you think your kid will never feel abandoned because you chose them, saved them, love them like your own, you shouldn’t adopt.
If you think your kid will not be curious and will be content in your new family, you shouldn’t adopt.

Adoption is trauma.
Adoption is the gravest primal wound there is.

Adoption is a reason so many adults are lost and scared at ages 40, 50, 60, 70! They say they have never felt like themselves and they don’t even know who that is now. This commonality is truly astounding and real!

Here are my questions to those adoptive parents who are just so grateful and blessed to have a healthy happy baby….

How do you plan to handle the trauma your Adoptee has gone through?
How do you plan to tell them they are adopted?
How do you plan to honor the birth family?
How do you plan to have a relationship including the birth family?

If you are uncomfortable answering these questions and having these conversations, move along, adoption isn’t for you.”

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