Who Was I Supposed To Be? I Don’t Know; My Trauma Happened Too Early

No, because I was adopted. Because of that, I was never who I was supposed to be before the world told me “no”. My trauma happened too early for me to have developed that person.

I’ve been told “no” from the beginning, from day 8 on, because of my adoption – my bio parents left the hospital after a week, on the same day I was given to my parents and taken away from them.

Because my bio parents gave me up for adoption.

Because I was so traumatized by that sudden disappearance of the person I spent nine months bonding with that I couldn’t be the person I would’ve been had I not been adopted.

Because I’ve spent my entire life until recently trying to please everyone and be liked by everyone.

Because my mom wanted a girly daughter who loved shopping, makeup, dresses, and mani-pedis as much as she did and it killed me to deny her that; it just wasn’t and isn’t me.

Does this mean I’m upset about it? No. I’m happy with my life and I am just now starting to discover who I really am, who I might’ve been had I not gone through that trauma.

I know I’ll never find out who that person would have been, what she’d have been like, what she would’ve wanted to do with her life, what she would’ve liked to do, what her hobbies would be, what her dreams would be, etc.

But that person isn’t me, and never will be, because I was adopted. And I’m okay with that, because I’m learning who I am and I kind of love her.